Total Eclipse of the Heart

So, I saw Eclipse the other night.

BEFORE you judge harshly, consider the following:

1.) I went with my class and it was the only movie in English playing at the theater.

2.) See above.

I haven't seen the other Twilight movies, mostly because I have heard that they totally suck AND because they have yet to be played on a loop on TBS or TNT on a random Sunday afternoon, which is when I usually prefer to watch movies that totally suck. That being said, I didn't go into this expecting much, so I was able to enjoy my time watching the film and giggling at the cheese.

Yeah, it sucked. It wasn't the worst movie I've ever seen in my life, but it was pretty awful. I guess I can see why twelve year-olds are taking this stuff to heart, but I'm kind of perplexed about basically anyone over twelve who does. Robert Pattinwhatever has a strange, pale glow for the entire film, making him appear considerably less attractive and Kristen Stewwhocares' character has eerie fake brown eyes. I can't help but think that fake brown eyes make someone look kind of lifeless and empty. Also, why does she have to have them? Is it a MUST? I'm confused.

I did not see any real indication that the main couple had an amazingly romantic and cool relationship. Maybe that's because I missed all the romantic and cool stuff in the first two movies, but something tells me (a.k.a. everyone I know that has seen it) that I didn't miss much. In that same vein, does anyone else notice that this relationship is completely unhealthy, co-dependent and possessive?! This girl needs to get out and FAST. She's dating a guy that can read thoughts and has no soul...RUN!

Okay, but my biggest beef with this story is the fact that this girl is planning on giving up her life, losing her soul, and becoming a blood-sucking monster for this guy, BUT, BUT, BUT! They absolutely must NOT have sex until marriage. This is the part of the story where I remembered the fact that a Mormon house-wife writes this crap. Sure ladies, SELL YOUR SOUL FOR A MAN, BUT DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM UNTIL DOING SO!

I'm actually not enraged about this at all, though the caps lock may indicate otherwise. I just think it's a shame that this is what the little people are all wrapped-up in these days. Today is the 15th anniversary of the release of Clueless and sure, it was about shopping and boys and parties, but it was also sharp, witty and fun. As IF this Twilight crap can even hold a candle to that gem. They don't make 'em like that anymore.

And plus, I'd take Paul Rudd over Robert Pattindork any day.